Life Goes On...and on...and on..Until Your Head Spins

It has been a long time since I've posted here. There is a lot that has happened and a lot yet to happen in the near future. Thanksgiving came and went without a morsel of turkey hitting my lips, though that was the least of my concerns that day. My father, my amazing, inspiring Daddy, lost his 31 year battle with multiple sclerosis on Friday, November 24. The day after Thanksgiving. When my dad was 27, the same age I am now, he was diagnosed with MS and was told he had roughly five years to live. He decided to live life to the fullest and never took a day for granted. My mom was pregnant with my sister at the time, and three years later they brought me into the world. Daddy was a true fighter, and he fought and he fought as long as his poor body could fight, outliving doctors' predictions by 25 years. He died a young man of 58 with his family by his bedside. We should all be so lucky as to go peacefully and quietly with those we love standing over us. It was one of the more poignant moments of my life and I will never forget it.

I am now trying to find meaning in my father's death and am truly hoping that he is up in heaven watching over me, and that he will help to send us a baby. I know that when we do have a baby my dad's spirit will shine in his or her eyes, and I can't wait for that day. So, as he would want me to, I am pressing on with the IVF, hoping to create new life where one was lost.

I am on day 7 of stims and hoping the egg retrieval will be very soon. The doctor increased my dosage of follistim from 50 to 125 last night and tonight, so hopefully tomorrow's ultrasound will show vast progression. I am getting impatient, not to mention uncomfortable. My stomach is full of red dots where I have been jabbed repeatedly every night, and my arms are back in heroin addict mode, with new track marks just about every day. I've always been told I have lovely skin because it is so fair and white. Not so pretty now when every stick leaves a fresh mark. Oh well. This isn't about beauty, right? Although, my RE did say yesterday that I have beautiful ovaries, and I'll have to say I've been feeling awfully smug ever since.

Anyway, as the Christmas season gets in full swing (yikes) I am feeling bittersweet. I am feeling such an overwhelming mix of sadness and grief and hope and love and admiration and, well, just plain exhaustion. As my daddy would do, I will power through.