The Case of the Missing AF

As I sit here on my laptop on a rainy election day, my evil friend Aunt Flo is officially missing. We have passed the 24 hour mark, now fill out the missing person's report. Where could she be? On holiday in Barbados, escaping the relentless campaign ads and telephone calls? Visiting relatives in Florida? Seriously bitch - either show up or send a change of address form. Because as much as I would like to hope that her absence is due to a miracle, drug-free pregnancy, I don't believe that to be the case. Neither does the Clear Blue Easy stick that I peed on this morning. The digital flashing "Not Pregnant" was a sure sign of CBE's opinion on the matter. Now, I am not one who normally wishes for AF to arrive. In fact I would like to beat her away with a stick. But if we're going to move on to IVF as scheduled, then she has to make an appearance. I have been getting the jitters about this whole thing lately, and I'm afraid if I wait much longer I may back out altogether. My husband, ever the soothing spouse, has assured me we will do whatever I am comfortable with (though I can see in his eyes that he is just itching to do his business in a cup and mix it with my business in a petri dish). So I have told him from now on it is his job to talk me into this. Take away my free will. Bribe me with diamonds and chocolate if you must, honey. I will draw the line at beating me into submission, but honestly I need for him to have some resolve in this because I am just not 100% sure. It is a scary scary thing.

Anyway, if you have seen AF lurking around, please tell her to make up her mind. Either knock on my door by the end of business today, or send a telegram to Clear Blue Easy that things have changed. It would be most appreciated.