And the Results Are....

6

Hmm. HCG level 6. Anything over 5 is considered positive, so technically I had a positive pregnancy test. But we can't just leave it at that and start painting the nursery. This is a very low level, and not one to jump up and down about. My last positive pregnancy test was a level of 44, and that one turned out to be a chemical pregnancy, so you can imagine I am not head over heels over this 6. So, the waiting continues. I go back Friday for a repeat, and we'll see if it doubled. If it did, we have something to work with and it could be a perfectly normal pregnancy. If not, well, we move on. Again.

The thing is, I am not a patient person. I can't just say, oh we'll wait and see what they say on Friday. That is TWO WHOLE DAYS away! So in the mean time, I will devour any information I can find on the internet, skipping over anything negative, and focus on all those sites where I keep reading that it doesn't matter how low the number is, as long as it doubles. Perfectly healthy babies can be born from pregnancies with low levels. Maybe I'm pregnant with a dainty little baby who can't be bothered to grow too quickly right here at the beginning? We can only hope. I swear - who knew motherhood could be so damn hard BEFORE there is even a baby?

Speaking of mothers, mine is coming to town tomorrow. I had purposely scheduled my beta for today (13dpIUI) instead of tomorrow (14dpIUI) so that I could process the news without her having to know about it. There was a time when my husband and I were very open with our families about our infertility woes, but it became too much for me to bear, having to keep everyone updated. So a few months ago we told everyone that from now on we are keeping quiet. When there's something they need to know, they'll know. (I, of course, didn't last long with keeping it all from my sister, so she is the one person I still rant to. Mom, of course, does not know this.) Well, now it appears I'm going to have to tell my mom everything. I don't see how I can get up on Friday, go have a blood test, then spend the day shopping with her, all the while wondering when I will get the call with the results. Somehow I think she'll know something is going on. And it really doesn't seem fair to keep it from her when she'll be right here in the middle of it. As my sister said, most likely I will be so agitated that my mother will piss me off even more easily than usual, and it is only fair to let her know why.

Now for the real dilemma. On this shopping trip of ours, my mom is planning to buy me some new jeans. All of my Sevens are too small, as I have been in a constant state of bloat for months (I chalk it up to fertility drugs), and she wants to buy me some new ones so I can feel pretty and stylish again. How lovely. I have been thinking this will be a great consolation prize for a negative pregnancy test, but with today's non-news, I don't know. What if it turns out I really am pregnant? I guess that's why they have return policies, right? I'll just have to resist the urge to wear them out of the store.

Ok, I know that paragraph was really shallow. I just have to try and keep things light. I am a tortured person and can't be held accountable for shallow musings about jeans. Sometimes it's the little things, you know?